The Malcontent

…..and now, partially sanitized.

That’s right, despite The Mal’s previous defense of the f-bomb, some of our friends have children now old enough to be on the interwebnets. So, in the interest of their delicate natures, two frequently used words are now represented by “f***” and “s***” in the posts. Also changed are the words now represented by “a-hole” and “d-head.”

The Mal, apparently by oversight, never used the words “c***”, “b****”, or “c*********”, so those are covered. And we are leaving several other words that hard-core blue-noses might find objectionable in place.

As for my many friends who know my affinity for blue language and think that I am selling out language in the interest of appeasing a dead or dying sense of propriety, I say “F*** you, you f***ing a-holes! Who gives a s***?!?”

See, message still clearly received if you already know the words in question. You know I love the teachable moment, d-heads.

Yes, it’s true. The Malcontent is shut down. Why?

Well, for one reason, I seem to be sort of…..um, content. Gruntled, if you will. I quit my job to work on writing, filmmaking, and other creative passions (including, I have discovered, housekeeping) and it has just been too good.

In addition, I will have two other sites rolling out, both under my given name, one about food, and the other just writing, and those seem to be taking all my focus.

Thanks to those who stopped by to read. I hope you will find my other sites, and enjoy them.

From the “don’t we have enough s*** to worry about?” file: Deadly dolphins in the Gulf?

As my cousin awaits evacuation from New Orleans, I read Sidney Blumenthal’s breakdown in Salon of how the current administration gutted flood protection budgets for New Orleans to pay for the Iraq War.

Blumenthal writes:
A year ago the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers proposed to study how New Orleans could be protected from a catastrophic hurricane, but the Bush administration ordered that the research not be undertaken. After a flood killed six people in 1995, Congress created the Southeast Louisiana Urban Flood Control Project, in which the Corps of Engineers strengthened and renovated levees and pumping stations. In early 2001, the Federal Emergency Management Agency issued a report stating that a hurricane striking New Orleans was one of the three most likely disasters in the U.S., including a terrorist attack on New York City. But by 2003 the federal funding for the flood control project essentially dried up as it was drained into the Iraq war. In 2004, the Bush administration cut funding requested by the New Orleans district of the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers for holding back the waters of Lake Pontchartrain by more than 80 percent.

The administration should consider a new motto, perhaps “We spring to close the door as soon as the horse leaves the barn.”

My cousin, meanwhile, sits and waits (along with a bunch of other doctors who volunteered to stay and try to care for patients who couldn’t be evacuated). They tried to evacuate him yesterday, but gangs of thugs seized the boats, dumped the crew, EMTs, and patients, and made off with the boats. Today they will try again, with a military escort.

Follow-up: My cousin was finally evacuated after seven days in Charity without water or power, where he tried his best to provide medical care to the patients there with them. Thank you to everyone who commented or emailed with support.

Seth Stevenson sums up the great hallucinogenic conclusion in today’s Slate:

One thing about interesting drugs (not boring drugs like cocaine or Vicodin) is that they can help you appreciate simple truths. Things you’ve been taking for granted. I mean, you look down at your hand, and the drugs say, “Wow, far out, there are bones inside my hand!” but then the sober, together voice in your head says, “Well, of course there are bones inside your hand, you doofus—you have a skeletal system to provide structure for your body,” and then the drugs say, “No, dude—there are bones inside my hand! That is trippy!”

Right on the money. At least, that’s what The Malcontent has heard. Right, right? Has heard.

So, clearly I have been living wrong.

I recently went (along with the SoTM) for a business meeting in Chicago. Forget that there was no joy to be had at this meeting, as it involved 10,000 lawyers in close proximity.[1] We arrived safely on our direct flight, our luggage did not. Short one suitcase.

American Airlines assures us it is likely on the next flight. Nope. The one after that? Nope. The suitcase is never seen again. As it contains most of our clothes, including those needed for my business meetings, I ask the people at “Customer Assistance” what they can do for us. The answer? Nothing for the first 5 days.

After I suggest that this is not much help, they authorize us to “spend $50,” which American Airlines will presumably eventually reimburse us for. Will $50 buy me new dress shoes, underwear, toiletries, etc.? Hell no. But that’s all they can do. The Corporate Man loses my stuff, but there is nothing they can do. Sorry.

Hey, I understand. So, with a loving heart, let me return the sentiment:

In short, AA was completely unwilling to help us with the problem they created. Easy solution? Give us a couple hundred bucks in cash to go buy toiletries, some replacement dress clothes, etc.This will allow us to attend our professional events and business meetings clothed in an appropriate manner. If you find the bag, it’s money for inconvenience. If not, it is an advance on reimbursement. Either way, we feel a bit better about a bad situation and it reduces the chance of the outcome they got: two highly pissed off professionals who clock about 60 domestic flights a year, but will never, never, never fly AA again. (Here’s hoping you go bankrupt soon, you incompetent corporate a-holes.)

We fly back, 4 days later, after a 4 hour delay in taking off, arrive back in Charm City in the early morning. The next day, the government steals our car, which will ultimately cost a lot of time and money to retrieve. That’s Part 2, coming soon.

After we arrive, AA faxes us an incredible form to fill out to identify our luggage for the third time, with lengthy instructions for how to make the list of contents for reimbursement. (A word of advice for readers: save all your receipts for everything you might ever fly with. If the airline loses your luggage, the pinhead rat bastards who run the joint are going to need to see those receipts.)

[1] What might one call 10,000 lawyers in close proximity? Well, after considering similar concepts: a herd of cattle, a gaggle of geese, a murder of crows, the kind people at The Malcontent Language Studies Institute of Naming Stuff would like to suggest: a s***heap of lawyers. OK, OK, if you prefer–a poop-pile of attorneys.

One must, it is true, forgive one’s enemies — but not before they have been hanged.

Heinrich Heine, Gedanken und Einfälle

Pat Robertson loses his mind and goes for the “Hey, it works for Bin Laden” Broadcasting Award.

We shall not see his like again. (Trite, but in this case, probably true.)

As the assorted dingleberries in Kansas, Pennsylvania, and the White House reject evolution and push for creationism Intelligent Design to be taught as an “alternative theory” to evolution, they forget a few minor points: it’s not science, it’s not a theory, and…….oh, right! It’s crap.

Jack Marburger, the President’s own science advisor labels I.D. as unscientific. The New Republic published an excellent review and historical essay to explain why I.D. is piffle, and how it is merely creationism in a new coat. What amazes us here at The Malcontented International House of Skepticism and Pancakes is that we are still fighting this fight some 80 YEARS after the Scopes trial. (Does each new generation of zealots for their flavor of the big Nobodaddy in the Sky have to refight the conflicts of their predecessors?)

The I.D. battle appears to be driven by two aspects–1) religiosity, and 2) a lack of understanding of what science is and how it works.

Why the religious folks can get and keep a toehold is a function of the second aspect. The Malcontent has had a number of well-educated, non-creationist friends essentially put forth the same position as the President–I.D. is just another theory and we ought to expose students to various theories.

Why would these folks say this? (other than to wind my frickin’ clock-spring.)

Why? Because they don’t have any idea about what constitutes a scientific theory and so they confuse “story” with “theory.” Please, my few and faithful readers, if you care about this issue at all, take a few minutes and visit the fine people at the National Center for Science Education and arm yourself to prevent your much-beloved, well-meaning, science-ignorant, chemistry-class-skipping friends from being sold a load of crap wrapped in pseudo-scientific deceptive babble.

(And before I get the emails saying “You hypocritical bastard! What about your oft-repeated statements about how much you love the First Amendment?”, let me say this: The creationists have an absolute right–which I fully support–to believe what they do, but the silly bastards have no right to integrate their religious beliefs into compulsory state education, and we, as citizens, have a right to prevent such religious beliefs from coming into our schools.)